tbh I don’t see the fuss about having waiters/waitresses not being happy and enthusiastic like I came here to eat I didn’t come here to be amused by employees as long as I’m getting my food and they’re not being blatantly rude I don’t see why y’all need to go on yelp to rank a restaurant 0/5 and have an outburst on why your waitress didn’t smile at you when she poured you water
this is pretty fucking important
I feel so proud when friends tell me their parents like me. Like damn right they do, I am a delight.
i just heard a bouncing noise and then that was followed by my dad saying
"oh no my potato"
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now
i’m all for boys wearing makeup mostly because if more of them got into it there’d be a bigger market and it wouldn’t cost $25 for an eyeshadow primer anymore
i can’t wait to go into the makeup aisle to get the latest man-color of guyshadow that comes in containers shaped like bullets and footballs
"Bruh I just went to sephora and got the sickest shade of eyeshadow"
"Sick dude what’s it called"
"Monster truck gas fumes"
once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes